Truth and Humanity - First Meditation of the Warrior Monk

[Music - Seville, Assassin's Creed Soundtrack, Jed Kurzel]

It has been a what seems like a very long time since I ended any writing on my last blog The Portal. The politics of the world changed and I changed with it.... a lot. In four years my world is not the one I remembered and it was by the grace of The Universe (my spelling, my emphasis) that I have begun a new life in retirement. And, as the world appears today, none to soon. Now it may be hazardous to mind and spirit to be starting a new blog in the middle of the worst racial strife in over 50 years and the a pandemic we haven't seen in over 100 years, but if not now then when? And in the last four years how much can really have changed? Oh, my students, let me count the ways....

First, my country is not what I remember. But, upon honest reflection I may have to admit that how I used to see my country may not have been accurate... a bit too hopeful with a vision scene through rose-colored glasses. My profession (former) is in crisis (but then it always was). The health of my friends is in doubt along with their livelihoods for public health reasons that are scattershot in administration at best. And then their is the seemingly endless isolation due to the pandemic with an election of immeasurable consequence looming less than 90 days away. My country is not what I remembered.

Secondly, I have a whole new life to analyze and come to terms with. I am retired after decades of teaching. The intent was not mine. The availability was unexpected. There results were better than I could possibly have known or hoped for. And now I am faced with the real existential question of what I do with myself. This is not what I remembered of myself.

Finally, the forced isolation has wedged a new perspective into my mind... I must deal with it. I have begun to realize that I am not who I was. Yes, that's fairly pedestrian and obvious but it has hit me with unforeseen force and I am not sure of where it is taking me. My evolution is now one of a final stage of a butterfly or moth, breaking out of the chrysalis (or pupa) and finding that I have wings to fly. Their not yet fully unfolded and dried, but I am starting to come to the realizations about myself not unlike those of the lepidoptera reaching the adult stage. The last effort to free my self from my cocoon has left me with a thought I feel I must share: Humans don't care about the truth (at least 999,999 out of 1,000,000 don't), they just want what they want and consequences be damned. What a waste of intellectual power and skill.

As a Stoic (capitalization being my emphasis), we are taught to expect the worst so that we can plan ahead and not be disappointed if the worst happens. It's a kind of mental ju-jitsu that prepares you for what could happen and gives you the stamina and perspective to deal with it. As a Buddhist, we are taught that there is a middle way that free us from the extremes and we vow to free numberless beings from suffering and that we can end inexhaustible delusions. I will continue to make that vow.... that is the Buddhist; I don't hold out that that will ever happen.... that is the Stoic.

I am planning a Zen garden in my backyard. The trees have grown so tall that there simply isn't enough sunlight for the grass to grow into a lush lawn. The result is just a lot go sparsely growing clover and crabgrass. So what to do? I'll dig up the lawn, as it is, and put in rock to be racked into beautiful patterns and find a spot to meditate. Like a moving meditation, I'll swirl the rock into patterns around larger rocks that represent islands in the oceans and seas. It will no longer need the light and preserve the water used for a lawn... a good idea in such an arid, mediterranean climate where water is a precious commodity. And I will sit, and be still, and quiet, and the world will do what it will do. I will be a warrior monk in his garden... watching the world go by. The world is loosing the light to grow a beautiful lawn... so we make adjustments. We are Zen and we are Stoic... we do what we must.

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